Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
