So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
