Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
