I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
