Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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