we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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