Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
