You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
