Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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