all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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