Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
