how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
