I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
