God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
