WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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