wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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