Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
