on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
