Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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