normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
