is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
