found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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