Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize