That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
