maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize