Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
