Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
