Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
