if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
