Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize