Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
