And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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