I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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