I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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