there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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