I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize