remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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