Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
