that's an acceptable place to lick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
