So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
