you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I smell stomach acid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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