nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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