Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize