Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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