no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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