What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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