Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
