i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
