He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
