I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
