Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
