Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
