as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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