Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
try to milk me bitch
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