the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
