...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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