I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i have herpe
just one?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
