so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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