I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
