What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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