She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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