we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
