Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
