addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
