don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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