Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
